My Box, My Choice!: heavy hitters

50th Annual Puerto Rican Day Parade 2007 NYC

QUEEN FOR A DAY - My View from the BACARDI FLOAT.

!!!QUE BONITAS BANDERAS!!! ALL 2 MILLION of them!!!

WEPA! !!!Que Viva Puerto Rico, La Isla del Encanto!!!

What a beautifully CHAOTIC day! It was GREAT - when I wasn't kissing ass! I was a multi tasking delegate between way too many Bad Lieutenants, beat cops, mentally fkn challenged traffic cops, parade organizers, Bacardi Suits, Bacardi Girls, DJs, artists, "Security", Bacardi "event planners" and my Philadelphia friends who refer to themselves as "Carnies", who setup, breakdown and drive the float. It was not easy, but I'm VERY good @ customer service, AND I even cleaned the damned plexiglass windows!

EL ABAYARDE himself, Sr. TEGO CALDERON, was RIGHT NEXT to us FOR HOURS!!!! They pulled him off the route right before the turn onto 5th Ave, because la gente goes bananas and mobs him, he IS the man, after all!

I had planned to be a journalist, armed with my camera, my video cam, and a cell cam - or perhaps the comic relief... I was dressed very modestly - strictly business, in a boxy black windbreaker and jeans, with a Puerto Rico visor. For most of the morning I was covered up, it was freezing out! JAJAJA (hahaha) and the BACARDI girls were BUSTED!! Seriously!! Cellulite for days, I could have PROUDLY worn my poompoom shorts, UM, two kids later!! ThankUVeryMucho! I was just as cute, OK, it's true, WAY FKN CUTER than those mujeres plasticas (plastic women, Gringos)! In the beginning I was nervous, expecting average, run of the mill (ridiculously fkn gorgeous) Boricua women would show up in bikinis, plus it was a quite "NIPPY" 69 degrees out, and let's be real, I'll never aspire to be a beauty queen (it's what's INSIDE that counts), but these broads were HAGS! OK, 1 or 2 were cute, but nothing like MY GIRLIES! I was telling everybody up on that float I could have filled it with calderas nand nalgas (hips & ass) in 20 minutes! Once I saw we started to roll I revealed a Puerto Rican flag spandex tanktop, my handy marine whistle, a flag in my back pocket, belt w/ flag buckle, y mucho - pero mucho orgullo!!!

Before anyone else, I was up on there with the crew, so that was MY float, but one Bacardi girl was trying to ask me for water like I was a waitress or something, uh, the cooler's over there, hon, I pointed with my flag, then turning my back to her, proceeded to "Party Like a Rockstar"!! Oh, NO you didn't, now go back to being my backup dancer! BK don't play!

A float has absolutely NO suspension, so when the music jumped off, I was literally 12 inches off the ground, holding on, waving my flag shaking what little my mama gave me like a doggone fool! It was Hip Hop Hayride heaven, and through some miracle I had become the prima ballerina, the one dressed differently! I played the back, by the fellas, dancing more like a crunk cheerleader than a video ho, while the Bacardi girls threw mad shade!

DJ Precise from La Kalle 105.9 (Heavy Hitter) made the most out of TOBY Love's "Tengo Un Amor" and other songs by splicing in El General, C & C Music Factory, Nina Sky, Frankie Cutlass and Fat Joe with little hits of old and new school into a hot loop... His crew from the South Boogie Down was cool, one guy kept "singing" to me, and I hammed it up like a true Broadway Baby, I was crying, swooning, walking away, it actually looked choreographed!

I had the GENTE raising those flags, on the left, on the right (alzando las banderas, pa' la izquierda, pa' la derecha), GOZANDO, picking out the Papi Chulos with my flag, calling out the city names, tirando besitos a los viejitos (throwing kisses to the little old men), WOW, I am still reeling from the ridiculous amount of Puerto Rican LOVE I ingested, and puro adrenalina (pure adrenaline)!!! What a dream come true for a Nuyorican!!!! Outrageous!

At the end of the parade route, DJ ENUFF, the King of the Heavy Hitters, Hot 97, my old pal from Brooklyn walked up, and to the surprise of Precise and crew, who had been nothing but nice to me all day, told them all just how far back we go! That's RIGHT! I was like, I TOLD Y'ALL I'M FROM BK!! Mad props to ENUFF... I love that guy, and I go far back enuff to have been to his Momma's house parties!!!

WHAT A DAY! Not only was I just as cute as the bodega beauty queens, diplomatic, energetic and funny, but I even had GUM, OK!? Will be doing it again next year, I think I earned my keep! Maybe I need to hop on for GAY PRIDE!!! I bet the BACARDI boys will be WAY prettier, and I hear they wave their "FLAGS" at HALF MAST for the WHOLE parade! OUCH, sounds kinda painful, but like "LOADS" of fun... OK, I'll stop now...

50th Annual Puerto Rican Day Parade NYC
2007!